Habit 5 - Seek First To Understand, Then To Be Understood

You Have Two Ears And One Mouth...Hel-lo!

By Ahmed Warsame

READ THIS FIRST

Listening. It's not always an easy thing to do. Sometimes we feel preoccupied and we can't keep our mind focused on who's saying what. But, it's not a good thing to be like that. Look at it this way. If you had a serious problem you needed to talk about, would you like it if the person you were talking to only nods their head in agreement and doesn't really hear a word you say? Probably not. So, you must treat others as you would want to be treated. Listen thoroughly to what they have to say. Then one day someone will listen just as thoroughly to you. Read on and learn of the bad styles and good styles of listening, then practice the good ones yourself. >>>

Can you guess which type of listening this cartoon demonstrates?

THE POOR LISTENING STYLES:

Spacing Out:

This is when someone is talking, and we ignore every word they're saying because our head is out in la-la land. Not to say we should never do it because sometimes it's hard, but try not to do it too often.

Pretend Listening:

This is when we sound like we're listening. We use words such as "yea", "cool", and "sure". But, the speaker can pick up on these signs and will not feel good about themselves afterwards. Do this, and you're not helping.

Selective Listening:

This is where you only hear the words you want to hear. The things that interest you. For example, your friend says that his girlfriend just dumped him for some biker dude, and you go off on a rant about how you want to be a biker one day. No good friendship could come out of this selfish listening style.

Word Listening:

This is where we can hear the speaker talking, but we don't actually pay attention to the meaning of their words. In this case, we might miss out on what the speaker is trying to tell us and only get what we think they are trying to tell us. Again, this is not a friendship maker.

Self-Centered Listening:

This is when we don't try to see something from the speakers point of view, but rather from our points of view. For example, when we say "I totally understand how you feel", we don't really understand. We just think we know how they feel. Also, in this listening style, we tend to judge and not think about the speakers feelings, give advice at the wrong times and in the wrong ways, and probe the speaker for things they don't want to tell us. This can make people feel miserable and never want to speak to you again.

THE GENUINE LISTENING STYLES:

Listen With Your Eyes, Heart, And Ears:

You must listen to what people have to say without hearing just their words. Find the true meaning using their gestures and emotions as your guide. Everyone has a soft side.

Stand In Their Shoes:

Pretend you are living their life and feeling what they feel. This will help you better understand what they're really saying. Don't fight with their emotions, see what they're like for yourself.

Practice Mirroring:

Act like a mirror. Don't judge the speaker or give advice. Just repeat what they're saying in your own words. Let them know that you hear them by telling them the meaning of what their saying. This will reassure them that you are listening.